Well, let me tell you! A lot. Where to begin?
I called my father.
The biological one.
The one that I wonder why about.
The one who worries me.
The one who doesn't deserve it.
Background, please you ask?? OK. For those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that I have not always had the best relationship with my father. My parents fought when I was a child, and finally divorced when I was 18. He still drinks. A lot. That would be the primary issue. Now, I have no problem with someone having a drink...but he has a drinking problem. He has been drinking so much for so long that i seriously doubt he is ever completely sober. I don't even want to know what condition his liver must be in at this point.
He really does not remember things the right way...if at all. I was accused of several things as a teenager that I never did, but that he saw in a movie or one of his sisters or someone he knew did or sometimes he just made it up. Imagined it. Because of this, I had a bit of a breakdown, and could not deal with him at all and did not talk to him for several years. I had to do this because if I had not, I may have turned into him, and that was the last thing I wanted.
About two years ago, while talking to my mom, it hit me that my brother might get married one day. How horrible would it be for him if his family could not get along for his wedding. So, I took a huge step and contacted him. After that we talked occasionally on the phone - both very cautious. Eventually we got together and he was able to meet his grandchildren. Finally, I thought, everything can be normal.
Wrong. Here is where I get confused. Mainly because I have no idea what happened. This past spring and early summer, my father and I would chat on the phone about every other week...maybe a little more. On Father's Day in June, I called him because I was going to stop by and visit for a bit and give him a gift. He did not answer his phone, so I left a message. (Mind you, he did this last year and by the time Sydney's birthday party rolled around in September he was fine.) Based on last year, I did not think much of it. About a week ago, I sent him an e-mail inviting him for cake and ice cream for Sydney's birthday. I heard nothing from him, so I decided to call him. BIG mistake. It was if I was calling him out of no where after not speaking for twenty years and me thinking everything was fine. He was short and rude, and could not have sounded more irritated. He had no interest what so ever in hearing about the kids at all. OH - and he couldn't take an hour out of his Sunday to drive two miles to come to his granddaughter's 6th birthday party. I believe we were on the phone for three minutes. It was enough.
So, I am back in the same boat that I was before I started speaking with him again two years ago, except this time I don't know why. So what the hell is wrong?? That is an excellent question.
He really does not remember things the right way...if at all. I was accused of several things as a teenager that I never did, but that he saw in a movie or one of his sisters or someone he knew did or sometimes he just made it up. Imagined it. Because of this, I had a bit of a breakdown, and could not deal with him at all and did not talk to him for several years. I had to do this because if I had not, I may have turned into him, and that was the last thing I wanted.
About two years ago, while talking to my mom, it hit me that my brother might get married one day. How horrible would it be for him if his family could not get along for his wedding. So, I took a huge step and contacted him. After that we talked occasionally on the phone - both very cautious. Eventually we got together and he was able to meet his grandchildren. Finally, I thought, everything can be normal.
Wrong. Here is where I get confused. Mainly because I have no idea what happened. This past spring and early summer, my father and I would chat on the phone about every other week...maybe a little more. On Father's Day in June, I called him because I was going to stop by and visit for a bit and give him a gift. He did not answer his phone, so I left a message. (Mind you, he did this last year and by the time Sydney's birthday party rolled around in September he was fine.) Based on last year, I did not think much of it. About a week ago, I sent him an e-mail inviting him for cake and ice cream for Sydney's birthday. I heard nothing from him, so I decided to call him. BIG mistake. It was if I was calling him out of no where after not speaking for twenty years and me thinking everything was fine. He was short and rude, and could not have sounded more irritated. He had no interest what so ever in hearing about the kids at all. OH - and he couldn't take an hour out of his Sunday to drive two miles to come to his granddaughter's 6th birthday party. I believe we were on the phone for three minutes. It was enough.
So, I am back in the same boat that I was before I started speaking with him again two years ago, except this time I don't know why. So what the hell is wrong?? That is an excellent question.
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